


Hole

by iammyownmachine



Series: The Adventures of Keira Tabris [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: City Elf (Dragon Age) Origin, Established Relationship, F/F, Keira doesn't do feelings (TM)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-08
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-08-11 18:35:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20158195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iammyownmachine/pseuds/iammyownmachine
Summary: Keira Tabris finally tells Leliana about her almost-wedding.





	Hole

**Author's Note:**

> From prompt: "Were you ever going to tell me?"
> 
> Takes place after Unrest in the Alienage but before the actual Landsmeet.

Their room in the castle has been quiet for too long. Keira can feel it like worms on her skin, tension crawling on and on as Leliana sits across the room, refuses to look at her. The golden ring on her finger has never felt so heavy. Keira continues to sharpen her daggers, staring intently at the razorfine edge. If Leliana won’t say anything, she won’t either.

“Were you ever going to tell me?”

Leliana’s voice breaks the silence, soft almost as though she wished Keira couldn’t hear her, wouldn’t respond. Keira pauses, breath caught in her chest. She looks up, sees Leliana picking at her fingernails, face passive, unassuming. Keira wonders if this is what she looked like playing the Game in Orlais.

“Yes,” and Keira means it, surprising herself with how steady her voice was. She hadn’t planned on telling her, originally; how do you tell your… someone, that you were engaged to a man you would never love, but who had died trying to save you? Nevermind that they hardly had a quiet moment since they’d met.

Later, she’d considered it. The words had almost slipped out after the Deep Roads, when she was so relieved to be out under the stars that she felt she could do anything. But, at the last moment, they’d caught like knives in her throat. Even then it had hurt too much to think about. She’d made up a fast excuse, kissed the tip of Leliana’s nose, and tried to forget about it.

Leliana doesn’t say anything more, doesn’t move, continues to stare down at her hands. Keira takes a deep breath, forges onward. “It, It was arranged, you know, and I…” She grunts, frustrated, can’t find the words, scrapes at her daggers once, twice more. “I didn’t love him. I’d barely met him. I was…” She stops, twisting the ring around her finger. 

“That’s his ring, is it not?”

Keira nods, looks up to meet Leliana’s eyes. Her face is still carefully neutral, but Keira can see concern start to war with the hurt in her eyes when they finally look at each other. Maker knows Keria’s never been able to keep her face neutral. Leliana’s no longer cold, distant, as she’s been since Shianni mentioned the wedding. Keira almost wishes she were.

“Yes. He was carrying it when he…” Keira pauses, and slowly breaks their eye contact, closing her eyes against the slam of memory. Soris’ arrival, grim determination writ across his face, sliding her an extra sword. Her fiance, unarmed, struck down in front of her, seconds too late. Nelaros, lying face up in a pool of his blood, her wedding ring clasped in his hand. The anger. The fear. The shame at how she’d treated him, before everything. The regret. The guilt.

“I was supposed to be married to Nelaros. We’d only actually met earlier that day. He was from Highever. The ceremony was underway. This, fucking piece of shit arl’s son showed up. Knocked me out, took all the girls in the wedding party up to the Arl’s estate. Soris and Nelaros, they came to get us.” Keira can feel Leliana’s gaze on her, watching her. Keira leans her head back, eyes still closed, hands still fidgeting with the gold band around her finger. 

“They killed him, the guards did. Right in front of me. He didn’t even have a sword; they only had two and he gave Soris his, to give to me. Apparently he believed I’d make more use of it. Fat lot of good it did.” Keira sighs. “I killed every last one of those fucking guards I could find.”

“Keira, I had-” 

“He barely knew me, right? That’s the kicker.” Keira levels her head, opening her eyes and looking at Leliana. All semblance of hurt neutrality has crumbled away, her eyebrows furrowed and her hands clasped in front of her. “I told him I didn’t want to be married, that I was nauseated by the thought. I didn’t mean him personally- well, maybe I did. I never wanted to be married to anyone, Maker forbid a man. I wasn’t friendly, I was- I was cruel, at times. But he- I think he understood. _ Why _ I was, I mean. He never responded in kind, though he could have. And he still came after me, after us all, a bunch of girls he’d never met. He still brought my wedding ring.”

Leliana stands up slowly, coming across the room to sit next to Keira on their bed. She doesn’t touch her; Keira knows she’s fighting her instincts to touch, to hold her hand, to hug, and she’s never been more grateful in her life. 

“I don’t know, if… if he expected to die. I think Soris did. I knew I would’ve, if it meant getting the rest out of there okay. I would’ve if it could’ve gotten him out okay.” She’d never said it before, but she knows it’s true. She would’ve done exactly the same, had it been him who was taken by the arl’s shitstain son. 

Keira releases a shaky breath and turns to Leliana, forcing the tears back. Leliana nods, warm empathy in her eyes, and some fury, the same fury that Keira still feels. And under it all, there’s so much understanding, so much love in her eyes, and Keira’s never told anyone about the wedding, never talked about it aloud before, and all at once it’s too much.

She sniffles once, twice, and buries her face in Leliana’s shoulder as deep sobs wrack her whole body. Leliana takes a hold of her hand and brings her free arm up around Keira’s shoulders the moment Keira initiates contact, holding her close, tight.

“You are so strong, my love,” Leliana murmurs into Keira’s hair, running her hand along her spine, up her neck to cradle the back of her neck. “I’m so sorry, I’m so so sorry.”

Keira doesn’t know how long they stay like that. It’s long after the tears have stopped seeping into Leliana’s shirt. The hole in Keira’s chest, left from watching her people be taken by Tevinter slavers; from watching a Dalish clan suffer even decades after their attackers had been punished; from watching the Wardens fall to the darkspawn; from watching as Shianni was thrown to the ground by a noble who would always get away, never held accountable; from watching as Nelaros’ chest was split open with one wicked swing from that faceless guard… 

The hole would never close, not completely. But here, held by Leliana, who’d watched with her from the moment they’d met, who listened when she could not see; here, she felt it get a little smaller.


End file.
